cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
