Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Randomize
