Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
