For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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