i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
