I want to have your abortion
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
