carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
