In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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