I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
