Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
