I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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