I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
