Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
