I looked at my own cervix.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize