between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
