but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
