Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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