A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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