I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
