[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
