check it out our google latitudes are spooning
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
