...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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