ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I stole a fireplace last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
