We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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