Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
