..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize