Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
