I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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