she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
