Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize