when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
