sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
