think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
