somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
