the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
