The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
