so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
