She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
