He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize