Who wears a wallet chain?!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
