he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
