I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
