I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
