Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
