she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
