i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Even my vagina gasped.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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