Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
