I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's shark week go big or go home
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
