If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
