Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
