oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
