Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
