every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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