You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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