the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
