Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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