I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
