Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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