i love accidental penises.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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