I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
