Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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