No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
