woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
