isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
