so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
