are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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