She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
