You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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