Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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