as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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