Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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