One girl and one boy is just not enough.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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