Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Randomize
