yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
should my penis look like a turkey
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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