she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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