but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
