just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize