would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
