I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
God, I missed his penis.
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