This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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