I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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