She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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