he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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