girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize