My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
