He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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