If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
