She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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