Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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