matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
God, I missed his penis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
