your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
