finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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