guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
