did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
