Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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