member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
