I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
