Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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