If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
