I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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