I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize