dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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