You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
