so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
