the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize