OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She bit a glass in half.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
