3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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