I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
