Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
