All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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