is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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