remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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