im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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